Monday, July 28, 2008

If you text it, I'll delete it

Confession: I totally watched the Hanna Montana "Best of Both Worlds Tour". Best part? The fact that Stacey Jones from Veruca Salt is the band director. (according to wikipedia he also produced the new Miley Cyrus album).

Yesterday was my last day at work. Seriously, I am just going to express how absolutely ridiculous and rude the people I work directly with are. Of the 10 people I work with directly, only 1 said anything to me. About me even leaving at all. Since my boss sent an email last week about my last day, they said absolutely NOTHING. Even if I didn't like someone, I would never be that rude. I would never treat someone that way. Everyone else in the other departments called, came over, took me to lunch on Friday and we went to a bar Monday after work. But the people I have seen everyday for the past year? Nothing. Thank goodness there was actually one nice person who sent me this email, which made up for the nasty people I work with.

With this being your last day I just wanted to wish you the best of luck. I know things kinda went sour over here with people talking shit and everything, but its cool that you kept it real. People are always gonna talk, that's why I don't really like to bring my personal life into the work place as much. These people don't really know me and don't really care outside of work. I'm glad you were someone I could be more real with. So, I just wanted to thank you for that. So thanks again and good luck with everything in life. If you ever need someone to talk to or whatever u got my number. Take care.

So. That gives me some reassurance that I wasn't the evil office person and it was their problem, not mine.

T is definitely coming. Sunday night I will be picking him up from O'Hare.

You know that Seinfeld episode where George succeed by doing everything against his instinct? "My name is George. I'm unemployed and live with my parents." That's kind of how I feel about how I've treated my relationship with T. I am sweet and kind and helpful, the way I have always been and the way I was with E. To a point. I realized I was just a little too much of everything and it was just too easy for him to take me for granted. When he left me for his crazy ex who was anything but sweet and kind and is pretty much crazy, well, I began to see, nice doesn't always get you what you want.

With T, I don't "baby" him and expect him to be an adult. Turns out I was treating E like the 16 year old he was acting like. That's even being a bit kind. I love E but I need to love myself more. Maybe it will work with T, maybe not but I need to try. When I told E that T was coming, or wanted to (before we made the decision), I wanted to give the respect to E that I feel a person deserves.

I just realized some background is needed. E is in Israel right now and has been since the beginning of June to the end of August. He also was there from December to February. We were together 2 years ago. We lived together, got Bella together, and we're happy. We had a fun relationship, went on vacations, hung out with friends, lived a good life. When he was able to go back to Israel in December (where he is from) to see his family, I was more concerned with missing him and decorating our apartment then him falling back in with his insane ex. I was crazy 100% in love with E. I can't even say now, that a part of me doesn't love him ridiculously. It will probably always be there. I basically live my life with the rule that as much as I may love something/one, I need to love myself more.

So we broke up in February. I moved out and he had to keep Bella, since at my new apt she was barking like crazy and pissing neighbors off. His whore gf (as I refer to her amongst my friends) was supposed to come here and after 6 plane tickets where E kept changing his mind, she finally came, only to not even be able to leave the airport because of immigration. They sent her right back to Israel. So a few weeks later, we hung out where he told me he was done with her. He says he realized how crazy and bad she was and how he was relived she wasn't able to come. Then 3 days later, he books a flight to Israel for 3 months and leaves a week later. He tried to rent his apartment while he was gone but I was like nonono no one is going to be living there with Bella. I do not trust strangers with my dog and have to ask permission to see her.

Now he is letting me know he wants to come back now. Early. That they are done and how could I let him make that mistake, that he would never let me do that. Argh!!!!!! I was like, "yo I didn't let you, you booked the ticket and left. I tried to stop you."

So. T is coming. I do not want to stay at E's apartment with him but there is the problem of Bella. That is my biggest stress right now. Also I actually want to move from the apartment I have now. When T gets here I guess we'll talk and maybe look for apartments together. I am making the decisions for me though and if he wants to come along fine but I am only making decisions with myself in mind because I am still a bit wary and cautious these days (thanks E!!).

Okay I need to get dressed and call my friend M to see if he wants to go tanning at the pool.

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