Trouble will find you no matter where you go, oh oh
No matter if you're fast, no matter if you're slow, oh oh
The eye of the storm wanna cry in the morn, oh oh
You're fine for a while but you start to lose control

depression is sneaky. it comes so quietly you don't even know it's there until you're looking around your dirty apartment, sink full of dishes, laundry not done, homework isn't even close to being finished, and your dogs are looking at you begging to go out. its spending money you know you don't have on food you shouldn't be eating. its not answering calls from your mom and dad and best friend. it's having people judge you for all your decisions and who you hang out with. it's making the same mistakes. its being self destructive and not knowing how to stop. its putting on a happy 'i don't care/laugh at everything/life is all fun' face when you think you're going to cry any second. its talking only about boys and sex and anything that is as far away from whats really going on. it's the feeling of failure at letting yourself feel like this again and the 'why can't i be stronger this time'.


depression is familiar in the way the extra 5 lbs on a scale are and it comes a lot faster then it goes away. it mean and its hurtful and its tricky. it knows that by hurting people you love it will make everything even worse and that's what it feeds on. it keeps you in bed when you want to be outside. it is a cliche commercial for medication. its crying for no reason. its crying for very good reasons. its feeling lonely even when im surrounded by friends. its not answering the phone because who really wants to hear about this. its trying to make the wrong piece. its being a failure and a loser and knowing this is why things don't go right. its a pity party for myself.

its being fat and gross and stupid and talking to much to the wrong people and making all my own problems and being a big stupid whiny baby and hating myself.

Trouble is a friend, but trouble is a foe, oh oh
And no matter what I feed him he always seems to grow, oh oh
He sees what I see and he knows what I know, oh oh
So don't forget as you ease on down my road

He's there in the dark, he's there in my heart
He waits in the wings, he's gotta play a part
Trouble is a friend, yeah trouble is a friend of mine
So don't be alarmed if he takes you by the arm
I roll down the window, I'm a sucker for his charm
Trouble is a friend, yeah trouble is a friend of mine
Ahh...

How I hate the way he makes me feel
And how I try to make him leave
I try, oh oh I try

But he's there in the dark, he's there in my heart
He waits in the wings, he's gotta play a part
Trouble is a friend, yeah trouble is a friend of mine

oh t mos

So I got my absolutely amazing v-day package from Tabitha at Probably Tabitha and it is absolutely amazing. I have been having a rough few weeks and the fact that she put so much thought into this package really cheered me up so much. I completely love everything inside it and Bella couldn't wait for her toy as you can see. I looked away and she snuck her toy before I could even take the tag off. I like how she acts like she has no idea how that got in front of her. Silly puppy loves that new toy. She also got some chew bones that shes obsessed with and I'm going to have to keep buying as she loves them. For myself, Tabitha got me the perfect candle holders and scented candles that completely go with my living room and look amazing on my new coffee table. As for the other goodies and candies and french manicure kit, I was amazed and my nails look great!

Thank you Tabitha SO much for such a lovely gift that made my week and really helped me get out of this fuck I've been in. Your card was so sweet and I love and appreciate what thought you put in. <3

******************************

My crush? Gone. Sad because having a crush is fun but it just wasn't to be. The more I know him the more of a friend he is and the less I like him in a want to occasionally kiss him way. So that's a let down.

School was something I basically was doing nothing (still doing well but just half assing it)  about but I finally am back on track and feeling good and will finish the semester strong. Things I love? Writing a modern philosphy paper that includes, vampires, edward cullen, gerard butler, descartes wearing sweatpants, bad hair dye jobs, just to name a few things and getting a good grade.

I desperately need to go tanning. I did go and get my eyebrows one for $4 in my nieghborhood with a face massage after which was amazing. I love my neighborhood.  They trimmed my bangs, did this thing for blackheads, and it was $14. I will be going back a lot more and I am going to a yelp review, which was how I found them in the first place.

I am currently obsessed with: How I Met Your Mother (I have been for months but still I can't get enough Marshall and Ted), cold grapes from the fridge, the new produce market I found, doing my own french nails (thanks tabitha!!), Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, thrift store books (i bought 47 this week), any kind of thrift store purchases, my 2 table from Target for the crazy sale price of $11 after tax, falling in love, friends, cooking (I made yummy stuffed peppers last night), and the smell of glade clean linen candles.

I really want to go to sleep but I'm waiting for laundry to dry. How exciting. I did manage to make myself a HIMYM ringtone and two Seinfeld ones so thats something. I also watched the new episode of Psych but really I am completely craving some new One Tree Hill. I am loving Mondays because of OTH and Life Unexpected. Sorry Gossip Girl but I don't miss you. To not continue with OTH is crazy because it has always been a solid show and the new Melrose Place sucks so get rid of it.

Okay so laundry and sleep and then cleaning tomorrow. I can't wait for my bed to hit the pillow...