Before I get into why I haven't blogged and why E has made my mind all confused and whatnot, I have to start with the my little Bella. This dog has a face that shows her personality 100%. When I cry this dog licks my tears, she cuddles with me when I watch tv, she runs to me like the end of a romantic movie and jumps into my arms. Okay, she jumps on my lap because she doe not like to jump into my arms unless she absolutely thinks I will catch her and usually a treat has to be involved but I digress...enjoy the cuteness of Bella.
I was reading Rachel's blog (Confessions of a Jersey Girl) and see I am not the only one with relationship internal conflict. Here's whats been going on with me. E called me a few days ago and we spoke for 6 ½ hours. He told me missed me. I was his angel. He loved me. He was begging me to come visit. He saw how he never appreciated me enough. Blah blah. He said everything I have been waiting to hear for a long time.
For a while I was really into the conversation. The guy I loved saying what I wanted to hear and being really honest. I was happy, excited, nervous, and feeling pretty guilty. I loved what he was saying but I shouldn't be letting someone who isn't my bf say them. He asked for pictures so I sent a bunch from my birthday and what I was up to this summer. He was so honest about everything because he was fucked up on some drug and trust me, he was telling me whatever I asked. I found out what he did when he was in Thailand, when he was with me, what he's been doing (also who...).
He is happy I am happy and that I have a guy, Tal, who treats me so well but that didn't stop him from asking who I would pick. He was like "you would pick me over him". So confident. I wanted to reach across the thousands of miles and smack him. Seriously, when I am happy he has this radar that goes off and alerts him to come and make me confused. Not this time though!
Watch any chick flick, romantic comedy, even guys action movies, and there is always the love triangle of the guy, girl, and girls new guy. While some movies are awesome, cheering for the old bf who was the perfect guy, there are times when the new guy is the right person and the old guy is a douchebag (I am having a really hard time coming up with examples, help!). The point is, when you see the girl in the movie torn between 2 guys, it's usually pretty clear to the viewers who the right guy is. The one who has her and realizes what he has and treats her well versus the guy who had he, treated her bad, and only saw what he had when someone else was appreciating her.
I am picking the right guy. Maybe he is not the man I will marry and maybe he is. The point is, Tal took a chance on me, on "us", and I am giving him the same effort 100% back. He is the guy who sees what he has and is taking care of me. I am happy. E will always be my friend and maybe one day, who knows but I am doing whats best for me right now.
Tonight I will be getting some Taboun for dinner, shwarma, israeli salad, hummus, matboucha, and cabbage salad. I will get some nice wine. I will light candles. I will relax with my wonderful boyfriend and be happy.