Tuesday, March 31, 2009

"Songs are as sad as the listener."

"I knew, in the silence that followed, that anything could happen here. It might be too late: again, I might have missed my chance. But I would at least know I tried, that I took my heart and extended my hand, whatever the outcome.
"Okay," he said. He took a breath. "What would you do, if you could do anything?"
I took a step toward him, closing the space between us. "This," I said. And then I kissed him."
Sarah Dessen (The Truth About Forever)

sometime i wish i had the chance to do that.

sometimes i open up the folder on my desktop that has his pictures. i can look at 1 or 2 but i tear up or it just hurts in my chest. i close it and sigh and put it out of my mind. i miss him and i feel like its inappropriate. he left me and has a girlfriend and lives halfway across the world. but woody allen and my mom say, "the heart wants what the heart wants".

sometimes i am so mad at myself for not working up to my potential. a phrase heard all my life. a phrase that is true. i am trying to correct it but it is hard work. i am proud of myself for not giving up when last year i would have easily withdrawn, or not even that, just taken the f's and stop going to class. i am getting good grades and while there are somethings i am behind on, i have kept up communication with my teachers and they are supporting me.

sometimes i fall asleep with the lights on and jeans on and wake up to the tv but when i see bella next to me, i just turn the lights and tv off, kick off my jeans, and fall asleep feeling loved.

sometimes, most of the time, all the time, i really believe everyone just wants to be loved. to wake up in the middle of the night and know if you had a bad dream there is a warm body who will tell you they love you and hold you. they'll do it unconsciously because even when they are asleep their love for you is so strong and deep and even their subconscious knows how strong and permanently they love you.

sometimes i know that all i need is this...if you need some, take it.
there's enough to go around.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Tiffany,

You don't need anyone to tell you that you rock to know that you rock.

Patrick

P.S. You rock.

goodgirlgoneblog said...

I love Sarah Dessen. She's one of my favorites! I hope you feel better. Don't be too hard on yourself.

rachel elizabeth said...

have faith. it's hard right now, but it will get better. i still deal with a lof of that everyday, but i'm trying to focus on what i have right in front of me. :)

Mandy said...

Sometimes Hope is all you have to go on. But I completely and full understand what you're saying.

Jaime @ Fast Times said...

I love Sarah Dessen!!!

Feel better.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

OH! That title is SO true.