Sunday, April 5, 2009

I always say, keep a diary and someday it'll keep you.

i often give myself honest and critical evaluations. checking to see when i have a valid point or am being a bitch. to see whether i am right or where i should back down. to see if i am too nice and need to stand up for myself. basically looking at my actions and seeing what i should be proud of myself and where i need some improvement or a major attitude adjustment.

i used to be a really thoughtless person. i was so in my own world i never thought about how actions affected other people. i had a good heart but my actions were frustrating to the people around me. i made choices without ever thinking about the consequences. i was always so willing to talk about myself i assumed that people just didn't like sharing about themselves. i would let calls go unanswered and not listen to voice mails for weeks. my family never knew where i was or how i was doing because i would sporadically answer. i did whatever i wanted. i was a spoiled girl who knew nothing.

in the past 2/3 years I have made a conscious change to myself. i have adjusted my attitude. i have asked other people about how they are. i call people back. i am learning to make my word my bond. i work harder. i don't quit when it gets tough. i ask for help. i tell my mom i love her every day and i tell my dad. they support me and encourage me and help me try to be a better person. when i saw how my actions hurt them, that was the biggest eye opener for me. so at this point in my life i try to keep myself, my blog, my actions, positive. i put in the bad stuff too but overall i try to keep perspective and remember how incredibly lucky i am.

the things about blogs is a lot of people only show a certain side of themselves. i read a great post at adorably distracted and she talked about bloggers that always seem to mad or angry. i full heartedly agree. blogs are a a place to vent, to talk, to say how you feel, but my favorite blogs are the ones who have everything.

my 2 fav bloggers, andy and rachel, they are positive girls even the face of sadness, they are ambitious, smart girls who put it all out there, the good and bad, the funny the sad, the silly, themselves. i honestly just love reading them because they are so honest and arent afraid to put something they might see an unflattering out there. they don't censor themselves. they aren't worrying about blog comments or how bloggers see them. i love these girls and they are what i aspire to be.

recently i find myself in a situation that has me feeling so many things. sad, angry, confused, relieved, a bunch of emotions that end up feeling bittersweet. i guess semisonic was right when they said "every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end."


Andy said...

Tiff, I really don't know what to say. I'm just... honored. Really. I never thought someone would consider me that way, and I really can't believe it. This is beyond me, in all honesty.

You know I LOVE your blog, but I love you even more. You're a great person, and well, you're simply amazing.

(I have wet eyes right now).

So, really, nothing but thank you. I didn't think no one thought so high about my me-blogger. :D

Shannon said...

It's inspirational to hear that you are taking the time to improve certain aspects of yourself. Nobody's perfect, but taking the time to try and better yourself is always refreshing. Thanks for sharing this.

rachel elizabeth said...

wow. i'm with andy. i'm completely floored that someone would think that way about me. wow.

i've been going through sort of a blog identity crisis lately and it's amazing that even through that you still think all of those things.

i'm sorry you're in the situation you're in right now, but that last quote? ITS SO TRUE. please remember to believe that from the bottom of your heart. the sadness wears off eventually and you are left to live your life.

you have a responsibility to yourself to make that the best, most amazing life ever. and if you screw up (which you're going to. we ALL do. shit, look at me) you'll feel like the world is ending... but it's not. just put it into perspective, take it for what it is, try to learn something and ALWAYS keep your head held high because you deserve all of the amazingness that is going to come your way.


Mandy said...

I adore your blog. I think its so important to stay true to yourself when you blog. I always try to keep this in mind when I blog. My life isnt perfect, far from it. I have good days, bad days and in between days. My blog is where I sort it all out.

Bayjb said...

I have a strong likelihood to be a mean person sometimes. I think all you can do is self-check yourself and be true to yourself