I always say, keep a diary and someday it'll keep you.

i often give myself honest and critical evaluations. checking to see when i have a valid point or am being a bitch. to see whether i am right or where i should back down. to see if i am too nice and need to stand up for myself. basically looking at my actions and seeing what i should be proud of myself and where i need some improvement or a major attitude adjustment.

i used to be a really thoughtless person. i was so in my own world i never thought about how actions affected other people. i had a good heart but my actions were frustrating to the people around me. i made choices without ever thinking about the consequences. i was always so willing to talk about myself i assumed that people just didn't like sharing about themselves. i would let calls go unanswered and not listen to voice mails for weeks. my family never knew where i was or how i was doing because i would sporadically answer. i did whatever i wanted. i was a spoiled girl who knew nothing.

in the past 2/3 years I have made a conscious change to myself. i have adjusted my attitude. i have asked other people about how they are. i call people back. i am learning to make my word my bond. i work harder. i don't quit when it gets tough. i ask for help. i tell my mom i love her every day and i tell my dad. they support me and encourage me and help me try to be a better person. when i saw how my actions hurt them, that was the biggest eye opener for me. so at this point in my life i try to keep myself, my blog, my actions, positive. i put in the bad stuff too but overall i try to keep perspective and remember how incredibly lucky i am.

the things about blogs is a lot of people only show a certain side of themselves. i read a great post at adorably distracted and she talked about bloggers that always seem to mad or angry. i full heartedly agree. blogs are a a place to vent, to talk, to say how you feel, but my favorite blogs are the ones who have everything.

my 2 fav bloggers, andy and rachel, they are positive girls even the face of sadness, they are ambitious, smart girls who put it all out there, the good and bad, the funny the sad, the silly, themselves. i honestly just love reading them because they are so honest and arent afraid to put something they might see an unflattering out there. they don't censor themselves. they aren't worrying about blog comments or how bloggers see them. i love these girls and they are what i aspire to be.

recently i find myself in a situation that has me feeling so many things. sad, angry, confused, relieved, a bunch of emotions that end up feeling bittersweet. i guess semisonic was right when they said "every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end."