Wednesday, April 15, 2009

i want to address the issue of censorship. this is not a normal blog post for me but it is something that has been brought up to me multiple times the past 2 days.

i think living with someone who is a blogger does mean you have to censor your blog but i wouldn't use the word censor. as my friend patrick says, "a request to not embarrass a person in public is not "censorship" but rather "good manners"".

i chose not to talk about a situation out of respect for a mutual blogger. we have mutual friends in real life and share some readers. we have posted pictures of each other and vlogs. we are known via facebook. we are simply, not anonymous. because we are known by our real names and in our everyday lives, i give this blogger and any blogger the respect i do any of my regular friends. if there is a problem it is between the people involved, i wouldn't pull a gossip girl (love you chuck!!).

are there people i talk about on my blog? sure. my ex boyfriends def are on that list and probably a few acquaintances. if there was any way i thought they were regularly reading my blog, i would NEVER post about them and i still generally don't. i know when i am venting at the moment it is a biased view and might not be accurate. there are always 2 sides to every story.

i know a lot of bloggers write about their relationships and then feel bad or have to apologize when they get back with a friend or an ex they have bashed. they realize at that point that they only gave one side of a much bigger picture. readers tend to be fiercely loyal and protective which is a great thing but they can only judge what they are shown.

so....i think it's legitimate to ask not to air laundry in public.

there were a lot of thinly veiled accusations and implications and untruths. i was simply not comfortable with a blog attacking me, addressing me as "you". i was not comfortable with people assuming i wasn't proud of my job or that i was a stripper. i did appreciate that it was clarified that was not my job but people again, know my first name and last name, they have my facebook information via this blogger. i have a family and a job and rumors fly. would any of you be comfortable with that rumor floating around?

the bottom line is i have struggled with writing this post. i dont want a blog war. i addressed my feelings via email and the blog was eventually taken down. nothing is 100% private once you put it on the internet. i gladly "censor" myself if it means not hurting someone and just venting to my real life friends or even via email or gchat. i am sure every blogger doesn't write a few things because they know the person will read it. should everyone write everything and disregard peoples feelings? i can't be that way. that's what a best friend is for. to call and bitch and leave it between us.

what i want is for there to be a respect for all bloggers and blog friendships. i want to know that what i said in confidence is as safe as what was told to me. i want to feel safe in writing. what i put out here is my choice. it is one thing to write something about my self and it another to be called out on things i chose not to put on the internet.

there are a lot of blogger meet ups being planned, the vegas trip, blogher, the 20 something meet up, bloggers are not going to be anonymous. some people will find they love their fav bloggers in real life, some might not. there are going to be alot of opinions and feelings and good times and maybe some bad. are we all going to write about other bloggers and not care? will this become like a high school clique and some people are in and some not? is there going to be a mean girls in the blogging world? as a good friend and blogger says " all friendships should be treated the same whether internet or not".

so, before people judge an issue they dont know. before a post goes up, maybe we should all just think about who it's going to affect. would you talk about a friend behind their back but in front of their face? would you want to hurt someone even if you know you don't mean it or are temporarily mad? i got into blogging because it was a place to write and catch up with friends and somehow i made friends and began to really care about people i dont know. they have become my friends and i want respect them and their feelings and i don't call it censorship. this is a community and as a community we should all follow the rules of respect.

this is the only time i will be mentioning this issue. whatever happened in the relationship between the blogger and i is between us. what i know about her was told to me in confidence and is not going to be repeated, implied, or mentioned on this blog. i expect the same treatment.

the bottom line is we are all people trying to get by in this world and do the best we can. sometimes things don't happen the way we want. it hurts to lose a friend and i don't wish it on anybody. at the end of the day all i have is myself, my integrity, self respect, and a dvr full of tv bfs ;)


Anonymous said...

Wonderfully written post. This is definitely a topic that needed to be addressed and in my opinion isnt addressed enough in the "blog world".

I write anonymously and the bloggers that I come across (i hope) will respect that and think before they put up pictures of me or reveal personal information.

There is a lot people dont think about and this is definitely one of those things.

rachel elizabeth said...

this was perfect and i doubt this was easy for you to write. everything you said here is so true and i hope your heart feels a little less heavy now. chin up pretty girl! xoxo

Kylie said...

So true. I wanted to write anonymously but, it didn't work. Oh, well. I just try to watch what I say and leave out names.

Andy said...

:D You said it all girl. Since I live in a country where bloggers write in Spanish, and I haven't gotten very mingled with them, I'm kind of semi-anonymous.

I mean, people I know through blogging add me on FB, GChat, AIM, whate, but IRL people don't have access to this. I think.

Aritza, Goddess of .. said...

Yeah, it must be very hard when you're not anonymous as a blogger and/or your friends/family blog as well.
Good for you getting it out like that though, it's better out in the open!

Mandy said...

I'm sorry things ended the way they did. :-(