a change will do you good

i used to want everything to stay the same. change was scary, the unknown was terrifying. i guess for me, growing up began when i learned that staying the same was actually worse. that not changing was something to worry about. i grew up and learned that life really is a journey and it can be short or long but we won't know until it's over the time we had. 25 could be my whole life, it could be half of it, or even just a quarter of it. as simple as it sounds, everyday really is a gift. it is hard to strike a balance between living completely carefree and living with a mapped out plan for the future.

i like that some days i can be the wild haired t-shirt and jeans and flip flops casual girl. i love that i can be a wig wearing alternative looking girl with 6 inch heels and attitude. i love that i can wear sexy lingerie or a tshirt and boyshorts. i love that i can change my clothes and still be me.

this weekend i went out with a friend to a club in a city i'd never been in. i knew most likely i wouldn't like the club [and i so didn't] but i knew that marya would be fun to hang out with and looked at it as an adventure. when guys asked us to dance, i was the bitch saying things like "im sorry i only dance in chicago", and when one said we were better then our other friends, i replied "because we have bigger breasts?" yeah so club-0 goodnight anyways-1.

the next night i went to a goth type event at the metro. it was nocturnas 21st anniversary and i went with a friend from work. hence the picture up there with the wig. i wore my 6inch boots, black dress, and pvc corset over the dress. now this is definitely not my scene but i wanted to see my friend outside of work and decided to just have fun. so i did something totally out of my comfort zone again and i had another great night.

yesterday i had an absolutely fabulous day with the kids. notice my smiling face and wild hair? that's what happens when i lose my brush and decided at 11 to wash my hair and leave it natural. as soon as a brush touches my hair it goes stick straight but that's it completely natural. so the kids and i went to par-king mini golf, awesome! we went shoe shopping and goofed around the store and the 11 year old tried on heels, kinda completely awesome. especially when another mom was like "oh fabulous! you look hot" and laughing and joking. the oldest boy is going to camp for 8 weeks and left today so at least we had a great day before he left.

i met with the rabbi last week and will be calling him tomorrow to see if he is willing to take me on and help with the conversion. i am very very excited and hopeful. i felt a click with him and really hope he is willing to undertake this huge commitment. skirts and shabbat and kosher and i feel that this is where i need to be.

on the complete other side of things, i have been having absolutely fabulous sex with my friend tj. and no, not the tj from a few years ago, steve! thank god for that cause remember he was like a 3 thrust man? [um p.s. hang out soon please!!!] so tj and i have been having a ton of fun and i am enjoying his company as we are on the same page. also he decided to spice things up even more with some wrist/ankle restraints, a blindfold, and a few other things. it’s definitely interesting. most important is we laugh and hang out and it's nice to not have any pressure.

and i quote: life's what you make it so let's make it rock.

thank you hannah montana!