and damn it if it wasn't the best year of my life

I really want to blog about my very bestest friends wedding and I will but right now I have a boy dilemma! or man. or guy. whatever, you get the picture.

So this summer I took a few classes, one being Sociology of Media which I absolutely loved. In the class there were like 5 guys total and then like 20 girls. There was a really handsome cute guy who sat on the other side of the room. Black hair, blue/grey eyes, really good looking and quiet. I really loved the class, so while he was cute I didn't pay much attention because a)25% of the grade was participation b) I had a lot to say and c)he was across the room and how random/awkward would that be? So while we gave each other occasional glances I didn't think much of it. When class was over there wasn't a second thought.

Now it's fall and school started again a few weeks after summer school ended and I walk into my Sociology of Sexualities class and there he is. I was a few minutes late but when the class was over and we were all leaving we both recognized each other and said hi. He told me: "I didn't get a chance to tell you in the last class but I really liked what you had to say. It was really interesting and intelligent" [I'm paraphrasing here so it actually sound way cooler and less lame then I'm making it]. I of course was blown away that he told me this, that he thought that, and just thanked him and was really happy for a few days on that compliment.

Class has been going on a few weeks and I have definitely noticed him. We sit in the back near a mutual friend but not next to each other. So the friend, Miryam knows I think he's cute so when we had a group project she had him sit next to me and we all had a good time. I found out hes 36 and he found out I'm 26. He thought I was younger and I asked if it was because of how I look or how I act. He smiled and kinda stumbled on his words and told me I spoke eloquently and that it's how I look which I get a lot so no suprise. Everyone was surprised I'm 26 since they think I'm like 21. [I keep telling myself that it's great I look young and have good skin, I'll be happy when I'm 40 I think..]

So after class I am just like, Fuck it i am going to do this! I mean, strike while the iron is hot or whatever, right? So I was like "Hey, I have a question to ask you" and then I made this funny hand motion thing while i told him "Hey I don't know what your situation is but I was wondering if you want to hang out sometime" and he told me he had no situation and that he would like to. So we walked and talked for about 15 minutes. I found out he was in the air force, married for 2 years, lives in a far away city, used to live where my mom lives/I currently live, likes kids, and some other things. It was really easy to talk to him and we exchanged numbers. I explained how I would be gone the weekend and then was moving this week/end. So I see him  in class tomorrow and i.am.nervous. Seriously I know I don't need to be but still. DO I have to wait for him to make the next move, do I make it?

I tend to just want to do eveything normal, see what/if he says anything about the wedding/me/talks to me. Then take it form there. Say it does go well, first date/hang out suggestions?

I have a ton of great second date ideas but not the first ice breaker, besides no movies(thanks patrick) which I agree with because then you spend awkward hours in the dark and yeah. I mean I love Chicago and it's fall so there are haunted houses, drive in movies, pumpkin patches, wine tastings, no mini golf :( but maybe bowling, a bulls game! etc etc but I need suggestions for a first date.

So guys? girls? puppies? Please send any and all suggestions for my next move/first date suggestion and I will be forever grateful!! Cause seriously, we need to insert a boyfriend in that picture, I already left him space cause I'm sweet like that lol

Ted: Okay, I'm going to say something out loud that I've been doing a pretty good job of not saying out loud lately. What you and Tony have, what I thought for a second you and I had, what I know that Marshall and Lily have, I want that. I do. I keep waiting for it to happen. I'm waiting for it to happen and I guess I'm just tired of waiting. And that is all I'm going to say on that subject.

Stella: You know how I talked my way out of a speeding ticket?

Ted: Really?

Stella: I was heading upstate with my parents, I was doing 90 on the country roads. I got pulled over. So this cop, gets out of his car, swaggers over and he says, 'Lady, I've been waiting for you all day.' And I said, 'Sorry Officer, I got here as fast as I could.'

Ted: For real?

Stella: No, it's just a joke. [pause] I know that you're tired of waiting. And you may have to wait a little while more but, she's on her way, Ted. And she's getting here as fast as she can.

How I Met Your Mother

Congratulations Bianca and Matt!!

"But I still couldn't figure out what it all meant. The more I found out, the less I understood."

I got home tonight from an amazing weekend with my dad, grandparents, and aunt in Missouri. I had the most AMAZING steak dinner with mashed sweet potatoes and butter with pecan, I was definitely all nomnomnom. Ass a glass of Riesling and you know it was a good night. I went down to celebrate my dad, my grandmas, and my aunt's birthdays for sept/oct. We also got Halloween bags from my grandma, Mary Ann. She gave us target gift cards and a halloween shirt and a really great pumpkin lantern with candle. I also got my birthday card from August which had $ which was super unnecessary since they paid for my whole FL trip but was still nice and SUPER appreciated. I love the times where I just talk with my Grandpa about life, cars, sports, philosophy, and anything we can come up with. I love every moment my Dad and I talk and keep getting closer.

I love coming home to my Mom and stepdad. My step dad and I really didn't get along for most of my life due to a lot of circumstances pertaining to my real dad [not the one I always call dad but the ones i NEVER mention that lives in north carolina and haven't talked to for the last 4 years]. He picked me up from the airport and we had a really great talk and then came home to Bella and my Mom where we were all happy to see each other. I always feel so lucky to have so much love in my life and such a good relationships with my parents. Things might not have been easy but the love was always there and I had an amazing childhood and always feel very blessed.

Other things? I am actually loving those roll up sleeved flannel shirts and bought 3 of them for school but NOT the black and whatever colord blocked ones. The shirts are a blue, a red, and a darker gresyish colored plaid. Really cute, $15, and will work for school and work. Looks pretty cute over a tank so I'm happy. Also got a great framed picture of Marilyn Monroe. I love the look on her face and the shy pose. I have 2 other Marlyn's framed the same way so it's going to look great in the new apt.

Speaking on the new apartment, I move in like 2 weeks after Bianca's wedding. There has been talk of Mary Ann coming to help me decorate it so that would be awesome. We both love shabby chic so it could be really awesome. I want a definitely vintage feel so I'm excited. I have an awsome vintage Charlies Angels board game I will be displaying so yeah.

OMG how could I forget how much I adore World Market? I went to get some gifts there and fell in love with everything. I love love love the Vampire and Evil and Wicked wines for Halloween. The single serving Nutella packets are perfect for the plane and I love all the little stuff that just makes a home cozy.

Also I think my next library trip will involve some poetry. Any suggestions?

Reconnecting with old friends is great. So is making new ones.
Life is a gift. The more you give, the more you get.

*********************

I tried the key in all the doors, even though he said he didn't recognize it. It's not that I didn't trust him, becuase I did. It's that at the end of my search I wanted to be able to say: I don't know how I could have tried harder.

from extremely loud and incredibley close up

jonathan safran foer 

7up and Meatballs: Or How My Family loves food

(rough draft for an English essay, let me know what you think. its supposed to be a narrative)

    Most people see a 7up can and remember being sick. Of  drinking it with crackers and staying home from school. Not me. When I see that familiar green can with the red dot, I always think of Sunday.
    Every Sunday growing up, my brother and I always had a very light breakfast. Maybe some cereal or eggs but absolutely nothing that would spoil our appetite. We would rush to get dressed because we couldn’t wait to go to our grandparent’s house. My mom and dad would drive us the short distance to my Gramma and Papa’s. I could always tell if we were the first there by the noise level. If it was only the tv, I knew we had beaten my cousins. If I heard loud talking and laughing, my older cousins Joanna and Jackie were there with my Uncle and his wife.
    I would always hurry my parents to help me out of my car seat, or when I was older, unbuckle quickly and run out as fast as I could to the open front door. I would always search out my Gramma for a special hug and kiss and see what she was cooking. After I would find my Papa outside in his garden and give him a hug and kiss. He always would pinch my cheek with middle and pointer finger like a claw, smiling and telling me he loved me.
    My aunt Laurie, who was 10 years younger then my mom, still lived with my grandparents, so her room was always the next stop. I would tease her about her Elvis posters, ask when her boyfriend Danny would be coming over, and would just sit and bask in how cool she seemed to be. I was the youngest grandchild and always treated like a little princess, which was in fact my nickname. I loved the privilege of hanging out with my ‘cool’ aunt. I used to look up Lice (find under ‘Louse’)  in the set of World Book Encyclopedias and show her. I would pretend to show something else but always ended up with the up close, black & white picture of the louse which would completely gross her out.
    My mother and other Aunt would begin to set the table for the 10 or 12 people who would be eating hours before we ate. They would set the table and then talk with my Gramma about who she saw at church, what was new, and the local gossip. When the Spaghetti was ready everybody would be called to the table. The huge bowl of steaming homemade spaghetti with meatballs, sauce we called gravy, lamb on the side, and grated cheese in bowl were set out and we all took our places.
    Where we sat was set in stone. My Papa was at the head of the table with my Gramma to his right. I always sat next to her and my brother and Aunt Diane were directly across from us. Next to me was Aunt Laurie, then my Mom and my brother Phillip. Across from them and using the other end of the table were my Uncles, his kids and wife and my Dad. It was a lot of people and elbows were always bumping as we reached for more gravy, cheese, and napkins. The rules were no loose hair while we ate, mostly directed at me and my long brown hair that shed everywhere, and no nail polish. I am not sure why this was but my Papa didn't like it and none of us dared showed up with it out of respect for him.
    I would keep asking for the gravy so I could put a ton on because I couldn’t wait to soak it up with the Turano bread I loved. More than the homemade meatballs and tomatoes sauce (made from the tomatoes my Papa grew in his garden), there was one thing I loved the best of all. It was the 7up. Monday through Saturday I was only allowed milk, juice, or water. No pop allowed at all. This was a rule I followed even when my family was out of sight (which wasn’t often but still) and so Sunday was so special. I would clap my pudgy hands together and be so excited to be handed a glass of ice and the cool refreshing 7up. I would greedily drink the first few sips, savoring the bubbles and crisp taste.
    After the spaghetti, more courses would be served as the used dishes would picked up by the women of my family. We would be served chicken breasts, roast beef, Italian sausage, grilled zucchini, roasted red peppers, and other dishes made with love by my Gramma and later my Papa. After he would retire, he would begin to cook most of the meals since it was a passion of his. He loved to make everyone their favorites dishes as a surprise and I was also excited to the special roasted potatoes he knew I loved. He made special chicken for my mom and roast beef for my brother. There was also a salad with pil and vinegar dressing that remains my favorite to this day. With so much food and being allowed only one can, I would start to savor and slowly sip my precious pop, wanting it to last for as long as it could.
    After dinner, the men would gather to the living room with the younger kids and the woman would start the clean up process, trading off dish duty every week. When I was old enough I would help by wiping down the table and later sweeping. I felt like a grownup the first time I was given the task of washing the dishes.
    Whatever sports game was on, my Papa was laying in front of the living room table with a pillow where he might watch the game or take a nap. I might go join my Gramma in her room to watch my own tv shows or nap in the big comfy bed with the peach comforter. My  Gramma would save me the Sunday comics from the Tribune and I would read my favorites like Brenda Starr and Peanuts until it was time for coffee and dessert..
    Stelladora cookies, coffee, and Entenmanns chocolate donuts would follow with more talk until the sun would start to set. More clean up followed by my sleepy eyes and we would all get ready to go home. Leftovers packed for everyone and Hershey’s chocolate bar given to all the grandkids and Sunday was over. Hugs, kisses, and goodbyes were never sad because we would see each other in a week, if not sooner.
    From the time I was born until I was 21 this was my life. Husbands came and went in my family, including my father but no matter the cast of characters, Sunday was time for family. My grandparents house was a warm place that was special to visit and always a treat.
    Im 26 now and two weeks ago my stepfather picked up my Gramma and brought her over for Labor day. My mother, stepfather, Gramma, and I sat around the table, eating the barbecued ribs and potato salad my mother made. We laughed and talked and all ‘secretly’ snuck food to my dog Bella when we thought no one saw.  As we cleaned up the table and put everything away, I couldn’t help but smile as I threw my lone 7up can in the recycling. Some things never change.

Publish Post

the one where i'm a narcassist

I wonder if anyone facebook stalks me?

I can't wait to be in my own and start cooking again.

I can't wait to see my best friend get married.

I can't wait to sart the workout bootcamp on Monday.

I can't wait to go to the library tomorrow.

I love how tan I am.

I love my curly hair.

I don't love having to write 3 papers this weekend. 

I love that one of them is on sexual observations in everyday life.

I love quotes.

I love amazing massasges followed by amazing sex.

I love new books and rereading old ones.

I miss missing someone.

but this was none of the above, i'm aware

so among other things today, i found out my high school bf is a craigslist lovin possible bi sexual.

"Straight guy looking for first time - m4t - 25 (n. hollywood)"
I am out here on business and have some free time. I have never tried anything like this. Looking for someone white, maybe hispanic. 25, 6ft slim build. Let me know what you want done to you. Maybe you can try a blowjob or anal for the first time on me. Please reply with photo. I have a hotel, but no car. Tonight or tomorrow. Hope to hear from you! [i left out the pictures of his man parts because, while endowed, who wants to see that? plus this is a work safe blog so yeah]

Okay...really my favorite part would have to be the exclamation at the end. "Hope to hear from you!" How hospitable and cheery of you. What a southern bell you are. So yeah don't even ask how I knew he was doing this but sufficit to say I wasn't trolling the LA craigslist casual encounters. Oh and he is also looking for BBWs so I guess he is open for anything at this point, men, women, size, race. At least he is apparently an equal opportunist. Wonder what his live in 19 yo gf thinks? [he's 26 almost 27 btw. which brings up the point why did he put he was 25? bianca pointed out maybe he's been doing this for a while and just cuts and pastes. first time my ass! or his haha. sorry.] Also, my mom wanting to see the ad, remaking on his sizable manbits, being complerelty grossed out by him as well, and recalling how she once heard me having sex in high school. yeah.

In other interesting tidbits from my Labor Day, I got to hold a glock today. Gun safety is important and so I held it and got to look it it and not be so scared. It was very clearly checked and unloaded but still, the fact is a gun is amoral but the people using it make the decisions about what it's going to do. I am going to the gun range next weekend for my first time AND my mom and step dad will be signing me up for the NRA. Hot. Really though I want to be comfortable with a gun and respect it and learn to use it because you really never know when a situation might come up and better safe then sorry.

Also today I went to a bar mitvah this morning. Really great AND I got a tshirt airbrushed with my name so please be jealous kthanx.

Tomorrow I am waking up, leaving the house at 7 to take my Grandma home, got to class, then meet Bianca for some bustlin and good times!

I have been having inappropriate fantasies involving lingerie, a long cardigan, and a crisp fall night.

Song on repeat? Cannonball by Damien Rice

jesse, i wont cut fresh flowers for you

"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."

Elizabeth Gilbert

(Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia)
(also see a great post from carissa about the book)

That quote basically sums up my past relationships. It's starting to be fall which makes me want to cuddle and light fires and drink wine and even go camping! While I am okay being single and actually pretty happy about it, I can't say that there aren't times when I don't miss having someone to spend some special moments with. I was explaining to someone the other day, I think to my mom maybe, about what I miss. I miss the feeling at the end of the day when it's been a long day and you climb into the cool sheets of your bed and there's the person you love most laying there, warm and ready to embrace you and nothing needs to be said. I know I am not where I need to be and that I dont even have the time for that special someone but I can still occasionally miss it. Either way, I have a small crush on someone at school which is enjoyable [and by enjoyable i mean makes me nervous and giddy].

I have been having the absolute best time with Bianca being home. We have thrifted, had food thats horrible for us but delicious, seen The Ugly Truth, went thrifting, went to a party and saw high school friends, had iHop at 2 am, talked in parking lots, had free pie, laughed til we cried [i know the ferris wheel], and just had the best time. This week I get to learn how to do her bustle, get her a garter, and buy a bra for the bridesmaid dress. I've said it before and I'll say it again but I am so lucky and blessed to have her as a bestie. I can't wait to see her get married in less that 3 weeks!!!!

I had a wonderful day with my family. My mom and I went to the store where I tanned and she shopped and met up with me. My stepdad picked up my Grandma so she could sleep over and spend Labor Day with us. We went to Petsmart, got coffee, and went on a walk in the forest preserve with Bella. Then my Mom made us dinner and we watched home movies so my Grandma could see videos of my Grandpa that passed away about 5 years ago. I love my family and it feels really good to spend time and just talk.

Oh on the tanning front, I have gone the last 3 days and will be going for the next 4 and then keep going every few days to keep up my tan and also look good for the wedding. I really just look better with color. I might do a tan cocktail or spray and tan on mondays and tuesdays. Not sure yet but enjoying the extra color.

I have a bar mitzvah tomorrow for the oldest boy I babysit.

I'm moving back into my own apartment in a few weeks. I will be glad to have a much shorter drive but I so don't want to leave. I love seeing my mom everyday and I love Antioch and the scenery and open skies and land. If it wasn't for me being scared to drive this during winter I would stay. It is nice to live on your own though. After my last experience, I realized that I only want to live with family or someone I am in a relationship with. I am thinking about having a Halloween costume party in my new place but we shall see.

Oh, I have another new lay out.

Oh oh! Thanks so much to Aritza for the blog award!

Here’s how this one works: USE ONLY ONE WORD! It’s not as easy as you might think. Copy and change the answers to suit you and pass it on. It’s really hard to use only one-word answers.

1. Where is your cell phone? next to me on the desk
2. Your hair? brown with highlights
3. Your mother? amazing
4. Your father? which one?
5. Your favorite food? chinese
6. Your dream last night? dont remember
7. Your favorite drink? water/rum&diet
8. Your dream/goal? love
9. What room are you in? study
10. Your hobby? reading
11. Your fear? heights
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? married/teaching/israel/san fran
13. Where were you last night? all over the city with bianca
14. Something that you aren’t? quiet
15. Muffins? plain bran
16. Wish list item? love when its time
17. Where did you grow up? suburbs
18. Last thing you did? this blog
19. What are you wearing? pj pants, slippers, john lennon tee
20. Your TV? sunday
21. Your pets? bella!
22. Friends? i have the best
23. Your life? happy
24. Your mood? tired/wistful
25. Missing someone? no
26. Vehicle? honda civic coupe
27. Something you’re not wearing? a bra
28. Your favorite store? the thrift store
29. Your favorite color? pink
30. When was the last time you laughed? an hour ago
31. Last time you cried? yesterday, from laughing
32. Your best friend? bianca!
33. One place that I go to over and over? the library
34. One person who emails me regularly? my mom
35. Favorite place to eat? my grandmas

Thank you so much aritza for this!! I guess I get to give it to someone and I most def choose Miss Bianca from Isn't She Pretty in Pink, Mandy from Just a Small Town Girl, and Carissa from The Lovely Dove! Blogs I never 'mark as read'. Blogs that have 3 strong, sweet, smart, and intelligent woman who share thri lives, thoughts, and always make me laugh and smile!!

Now for the lolz...

i want to chomp into your throat lol