told you i'm not bulletproof, now you know

i called my dad yesterday and was like "happy gay day, yay for you being gay" and he laughed and i asked if he went to the parade and he went for a little bit. i myself am a snob and don't like the parade very much. perhaps it's because i've been going since i was 7 and it was so much more fun back in the day. less crowded, more nudity and sassiness, more gays then straights, and just, a funner feel. its still fun now but more conservative and just...i dont know. but yay for gay. i also think that it's still a great thing and important to do and am glad for all my friends/family that went.

so. i have decided to move in with my mom for 2 months. my apartment will be ready september 1 and i will move back to chicago then. saving myself 2 months rent is a good thing. it will give me some time with my family and cooked meals and a big house and some good living. the apartment i will be moving into is actually owned by my dad so i will be getting some reduced rent which is nice. its a big apartment and there is a dogwalker in the building. i actually was going to live in this same apartment about...4 years ago? 5 years ago? and i was moved in and i dont think i even stayed a night i was so not ready to live alone. well now im ready and excited. i like the decorative fireplace and built in shelves. also, i have a real dining room and not a living dining combo so thats pretty cool! the bathroom is retroish and i'm a fan. might have to rethink my currently white/pink theme. i also am diggin the cute little shelf by the front door. oh and the bedroom is a great size and good closet space.
so last night was really fun with tj. we watched some tv and then had some fun. so i put on the cute schoolgirl outfit, complete with pigtails and kneesocks which he loved. he was really into the roleplay which is fun and made everything really hot. some handcuffs and a spanking paddle later, it was a fun night. round 2 happened a little bit later and in the morning was round 3. he made me breakfast (he is a chef so even eggs are extra amazing, add some steak in, wow!) and then i went home to bella and he ran errands. we met up to have a dinner at olive garden because who can resist soup, salad, and breadsticks?

i love talking on the phone with bianca because we get SO mad at drivers and randomly we start swearing and yelling at the drivers. i am so excited for her wedding, i picture it on the same cuteness factor as kendra and hank. cuter even!! and if she ever is stressed about taking the bar, she should know how smart and special and talented she is and how she will excel like she does everything because she puts 100% in. also because she has the cutest fashion ever and best shoes.

i have finished all the sookie stackhouse books and SWOON for sookie and eric. seriously please look at this guy? alex skarsgård is yum yum yum. but seriously in the books you jsut so are rooting for sookie and eric and it's kinda like eff bill. i really really hope true blood takes it the way the books go. there's something about this big bad ruthless guy that is intelligent and practical and who is baffled by how he feels about sookie. and who has her best interests at heart, not that he minds if they coincide with his desires lol. this is one of the best series i've read in a long time. cause i LOVED the twilight series but it's all about edward and not stephanie meyes trashriffic writing. does she really believe people want to read anything that doesn't have edward in it? because you know people just want her to write midnight sun and then a 5th book that redeems the not so good rushjob that was breaking dawn. charlaine harris is a good writer and keeps things interesting. and she doesn't make me cringe. also sometimes bianca and i randomly say sookie like bill does on true blood and it makes us giggle. try it.

taylor swifts fearless is definitely my on repeat album. i can never get enough of it.

rip billy mays.

my hair is growing longer and longer and i am loving it.

i defy you not to smile when you see this pic.

if i had time i would write about....

my new living arrangements and apartment

my weekend and week

my love for eric and sookie

my future plans

my dinner with lior

and a bunch of random things in my head

but.........i get to go see my friend and have some amazing sex and i am bringing along a bag of fun things and he has some surprises for me....i have to run and buy some knee socks before i get there haha

why was perez hilton blasted for his actions but michael jackson is exalted for his death even though he almost certainly molested children and at the very least was highly inappropriate [really though he settled and paid out blood money, r kelley at least went through his trial and he was sure as hell guilty].

it sicken me that because people don't separate perez hilton, a job and persona, like bruno or borat, from the creator mario lavanderia. michael jackson was a talented artist but a sick man. should someones actions be forgiven because they are talented?

perez says what a lot of people think and he is blasted? thats like saying we should lie to peoples faces but talk shit behind their back. thats what many people i know consider okay? he has an opinion and if you dont like it, DONT READ IT. obviously he is so popular because people agree.

remember, if someone provokes someone, violence is okay right? a girl wearing a short skirt walking home by herself is asking for it. she dances and acts slutty so she is sending that message out, right?

i am just so sick of people not wanting any shit talked about them but they do the same thing. its okay for bloggers to have opinions as long as they arent against popular opinion. the internet is for everyone and i love that people forget that perez has so many worthy causes he promotes. so he makes fun of people who get paid to be put in the spotlight. do i always agree? no i get annoyed when he picks on miley but i understand its a job and good or bad, it's his right.

michael jackson was a man who was talented and disturbed and harming children isn't a joke .i mourn the child he was under joe jacksons manipulation and abusive ways. it formed his adult life which was filled with problems. someone said that it was the parents fault since they are legally in charge? so i bring my kids to someones house and it's my fault they are molested? oh wait, i should know not to bring my kids to the house of a molester, therby proving hes the molester? pick an argument.

i am kind of sick of the interet and blogs and twitter. i have stopped commenting and been busy and just...i cant deal with more complaints without looking on the brightsides BUT i recognize their rights to do it and i say if it makes you happy, do it. I am not the interent police and if i dont like something, i dont read it. end of story.

rip farrah fawcett, someone who gave a cancer another face for the world to see. she was a beautiful soul and brought fetahered hair to a new level.

i'm on my knees looking for the answer

I loved you in the morning, our kisses deep and warm,
your hair upon the pillow like a sleepy golden storm,
yes many loved before us, I know that we are not new,
in city and in forest they smiled like me and you,
but let's not talk of love or chains and things we can't untie,
your eyes are soft with sorrow,
Hey, that's no way to say goodbye.
leonard cohen

there is a path and i know i need to follow it. i know that i have to make it happen, take the steps, and everything will work out. i feel god has a plan for me and i need to help and i will end up where i need to be.

i read a story in chicken soup for the soul where a husband used to pray for his future wife and when he met a girl and was dating her, he found out she had done the same thing. i always loved that story and i have begun to pray for my future husband. i pray he is healthy and happy and whatever he is going through, to be okay.

i have homework from the rabbi and i am very excited. buy some books and meet with the chicago rabbinical counsel for evaluation. i am so blessed the rabbi is willing to help me since it is such a commitment.

i have 2 possible apartments to see and both are great so that is looking up.

i bought a gazillion awesome things at the thrift store. i took the kids to the thrift store and dollar store last week and they loved it. we had a fun week playing mini golf and bowling and arcades and just hanging out. tomorrow is the last game for the little girls 7 year old baseball team and then dairy queen afterward. paid to eat a blizzard? okay!

i have best friends. i have amazing people in my life and amazing family. i have to keep things in perspective which can be so hard at times. sometimes i just while and bitch, and yes, cry, because why does stupid elad have everything he wants and he is such a bad person with no consideration for anyone but himself. he has his gf here now, and a good job, and his apt with all my furniture, and he has friends and money to go out whenever he wants and can take a vacation to anywhere in the world and i am hauling ass to do work and school and cant go out due to time and money. it makes me feel 5 with all my whining but what can i do?

i vent to the people who love me and pep talk myself. i read sookie stackhouse novels (only 3 more left) and i take bella for midnight drives for ice cream. i play music loud and feel the breeze on my skin. i buy 90 cent salavation army shirts. i pray and talk to god. i make lists. i listen to leonard cohen. i can't wait for movies like this:

sunny and hot in chicago and i thank god for it all.

a change will do you good

i used to want everything to stay the same. change was scary, the unknown was terrifying. i guess for me, growing up began when i learned that staying the same was actually worse. that not changing was something to worry about. i grew up and learned that life really is a journey and it can be short or long but we won't know until it's over the time we had. 25 could be my whole life, it could be half of it, or even just a quarter of it. as simple as it sounds, everyday really is a gift. it is hard to strike a balance between living completely carefree and living with a mapped out plan for the future.

i like that some days i can be the wild haired t-shirt and jeans and flip flops casual girl. i love that i can be a wig wearing alternative looking girl with 6 inch heels and attitude. i love that i can wear sexy lingerie or a tshirt and boyshorts. i love that i can change my clothes and still be me.

this weekend i went out with a friend to a club in a city i'd never been in. i knew most likely i wouldn't like the club [and i so didn't] but i knew that marya would be fun to hang out with and looked at it as an adventure. when guys asked us to dance, i was the bitch saying things like "im sorry i only dance in chicago", and when one said we were better then our other friends, i replied "because we have bigger breasts?" yeah so club-0 goodnight anyways-1.

the next night i went to a goth type event at the metro. it was nocturnas 21st anniversary and i went with a friend from work. hence the picture up there with the wig. i wore my 6inch boots, black dress, and pvc corset over the dress. now this is definitely not my scene but i wanted to see my friend outside of work and decided to just have fun. so i did something totally out of my comfort zone again and i had another great night.

yesterday i had an absolutely fabulous day with the kids. notice my smiling face and wild hair? that's what happens when i lose my brush and decided at 11 to wash my hair and leave it natural. as soon as a brush touches my hair it goes stick straight but that's it completely natural. so the kids and i went to par-king mini golf, awesome! we went shoe shopping and goofed around the store and the 11 year old tried on heels, kinda completely awesome. especially when another mom was like "oh fabulous! you look hot" and laughing and joking. the oldest boy is going to camp for 8 weeks and left today so at least we had a great day before he left.

i met with the rabbi last week and will be calling him tomorrow to see if he is willing to take me on and help with the conversion. i am very very excited and hopeful. i felt a click with him and really hope he is willing to undertake this huge commitment. skirts and shabbat and kosher and i feel that this is where i need to be.

on the complete other side of things, i have been having absolutely fabulous sex with my friend tj. and no, not the tj from a few years ago, steve! thank god for that cause remember he was like a 3 thrust man? [um p.s. hang out soon please!!!] so tj and i have been having a ton of fun and i am enjoying his company as we are on the same page. also he decided to spice things up even more with some wrist/ankle restraints, a blindfold, and a few other things. it’s definitely interesting. most important is we laugh and hang out and it's nice to not have any pressure.

and i quote: life's what you make it so let's make it rock.

thank you hannah montana!

i think my best days are when i don't have time to use the internet. i like the feeling of being free from twitter and facebook and whatnot. i still love reading blogs because people really put themselves out there and i have some that i just love because they are so real but mostly the internet is just, fun but not my real life.

i love days like today where i had my list and got to cross some things off it. i got to talk some of my very best friends on the phone, see my favorite teacher, watch the kids, and just live.

the oldest boy was having a bad day and he was crying in the car and so i had the 2 other kids go inside and told them i would be back in 20 minutes and drove the boy to get dairy queen. i got him a blizzard and fries and a drink and just talked. he talked about his math test and pressures and how he felt. we went home and i got the 2 younger ones a treat from DQ so they were happy to. the youngest boy was excited to show me his story (9 pages and awesome!) that he wrote. the little girl, well she is pretty cute. we cuddled and watched some disney channel and then went to her baseball game. the kids get to swing until they hit it and there are no real outs so its kind of just, a lot of practice. afterward we did the whole shower/hot cocoa routine and i read to her from ramona forever.

i love feeling useful and helping out and making a difference. its a good feeling to help people. thats a good cure for depression, the blues, whatever you call it, sad or happy, helping always make you smile more. also things that make me smile? a new 2010 pink planner. i am the kind of person that needs new pens to write in it and not any pens but special ones. target tomorrow for sure.

also, tomorrow i meet with the rabbi and i've very excited.

i always start off strong and have trouble finishing but at least i finish. and even when things get hard i get back up. i am proud that i'm not a quitter. i have big inspiration being my parents and my best friend. my mom and bianca are the biggest influences in my life and i am lucky to have them and thankful everyday.

life is good.

i didnt invent the rainy day. i just own the best umbrella.

i defy you not to laugh out loud the whole time. defy you!!

my dad sent me this. makes sense. love it.

notice it's almost famous AND bianca. 2 things i most definitely love.

my hair. makeup. and the expression on my face.

true blood and sookie stackhouse. can't wait for season 2!!!
(i love you free hbo thanks to comcast!!)
************************

school has started and i am currently taking 3 of the 7 for this summer. i am pretty excited for the history of the holocaust class. stats seems okay so far, it's basic and the homework has been informational and okay to do. test next monday! tomorrow i have a to do list and i hope to cross a lot of things off. tonight i went bowling and drank with some friends which was nice. a glass of wine and a score of 75, hot lol. also hot? being ravished in my kitchen and dirty sexting (sex + testing, thanks tyra!).

a lot of people are having a hard time sleeping, including myself. cure? making my room SUPER cold and climbing under the blankets with bella.

the talking leads to touching

first go see my guest post over at www.mattstratton.com!

so if you follow on me on twitter @chicagogirl then you know i had absolutely amazing sex the other night. here's what happened and how i was completely shocked.

so after some texting with tj, he asked me if i wanted to come over and watch a movie and i ended up going over to his apt to hang out. the girl mayan is seeing, vicca, was there and i get along with her great so that was nice. we first decided to go to ihop [mayan just wanted us to see tj's audi so thats why we went, the car is amzing though]. after ihop we head home and played call of duty. vicca is super adorbale and cheered me on as we played. girls clearly are awesome. [side note, i NEVER understand girls who don't get along with other girls]. eventually vicca and mayan went into his bedroom and tj and i were in the living room.

the thing is this: i cannot have good sex with someone i am not completly comfortable with and i wasn't sure what my comfort level was with tj. after hanging out more and talking and talking about how i felt, i have been feeling really good around him lately. he is a really interesting and funny guy. we talked about how i felt and i explained that if i am not comfortable i will be so bad in bed. literally i'll lay there super bored and barely move. if i am into it though, watch out, its awesome. another thing was, i like him but i just am not looking for somehting serious because it's not the right point in my life. turns out he feels the same way, that he is not looking for something serious. since we are on the same page, i feel alot better about the whole situation.

so we talked and talked and i was like hey roll a joint. so i smoked and we chilled and evenutally mayan came out of his bedroom for some water and sat for a few. when he went back to his room, tj and i just started making out. we were on the sofa but i was like, you know what, fuck this, let's go to your room. cause comfy bed > sofa anyday. so we made out for like forever and ever and it was so hot with some hair pulling and biting and hands everywhere and tongues and yeah. hot. eventually it got kind good for me because that guy can down like a champ. and 2 orgasms later i was like fucking useless but still returned the favor.

oh! so he wouldn't have sex with me because he said we should wait for next time until i was more comfortable. some more making out and whatnot later, i finally got him to just do it. and yeah. WOW.

so at this point it was 5am and i had to work at 7:30 so i couldn't stay. i love sex with friends when it means we can have hot sex and laugh [it was hot when he saw my star tattoo that's hidden. definitely a turn on for him]. so he called me yesterday and texted me and he was really into it. we talked today and i had texted me and he didn't respond until later and was like im sorry and called me twice and was super nice. above and beyond because i wasn't even trippin. oh hes been out of town since yesterday morning until tomorrow night sometime. we are supposed to see a movie and it definitely looks like the hangover since everyone is loving it in their reviews.

tonight i hung out with lior and we went to tgi fridays and talked for a few hours.

i also bought these hot ass shoes!

they are something fierce!

i finished "living dead in dallas" and will get the 3rd sookie stackhouse book tomorrow. i also got
adventures in babysitting" which is a fabulous movie. serious classic.

work in 6 1/2 hours so sleep time with bella!!

hope the vegas ladies are having a fabulous time!!!!

iRamble late at night

so the little girl i babysit for has swine flu. i found this out monday while i was in stats class. that was a fun text message. so the family i work for is basically awesome and while i did work all day and stayed home with her, they did get me Tamiflu, the antiviral prescription med to take and paid since i dont have insurance. so here's to hopefully not getting sick.

one of the things i love about working with kids is the special times you have. the little girl and i have a routine when i am staying late. she takes a shower and i get us hot cocoa and i read to her in bed with the soft lights in the room and then i put her night music cd on. she loves that she gets to have her hot cocoa in bed and that i always read her an extra chapter. i love when she tells me she loves me. i love when the 2 boys get really excited to show me things and tell me about their day. i feel lucky to work for such a wonderful family and be a part of their lives. the mom is amazing. seriously. so i like that i do what i love and get to go to school.

i went to mayaans and played call of duty again and tj was there. it was nice seeing him and when we hugged goodbye i felt a tingle. we night go to another movie or do something tomorrow night. it depends. the guys want us to go downtown since tj has his new audi and they feel like going out. i am okay for a movie but dont feel like clubbin it or something.

so again its 3am and i am up.

i pretty much listen to taylor swifts album fearless" on repeat.

i hate that i hate when i introduce someone to someone they use it like they came up with it. or i find out that something i like they like. its so petty yet annoying. like when i found out my ex had become a bulls fan to i was like argghhh. but then i'm like wtf am i 5? so i know it is stupid and i usually push it out of my mind but it definitely makes me roll my eyes. i guess its just something to work and improve on.

i should learn how to reply to comments better or at all. or something. i do read them all and appreciate them though.

i try to remember when i dont like someone or they annoy me or i find them hypocitical or a liar or whatever the issue is that they are also living the same life as we and we are all struggling and have good and bad days. we have lost lives and new loves and good and family and we are all just people. life is hard and good and easy and happy and a million things but the thing is we are all living it. all i can do is the best i can. the best i can and not someone else's best.

And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life..
american beauty

the one where i have a date?

Betrayal is a thorny crown
You wear it well
Just like a king
Revenge is the saddest thing
Honey, I'm afraid to say
You deserve everything
rilo kiley

i went on an unexpected date last night. it was actually really nice and that surprised me. i have known this guy for about 2 years now and heard of him for 3? i actually used to not be able to stand him. he just annoyed me because he was very...not ever rude to me but not welcoming consider he and i share a bunch of friends. he also told me after tal left that i had horrible taste in men and gave me a hint about tal and his not so monogamous ways.

so a few months ago we ended up having a VERY random make out and there was some text miscommunication and I left it that he was roommates with one of my best friends and I didn't think anything good would come of it. I made it clear that because I have slept with some Israeli's, I don't just sleep with whoever asks and I really didn't care that he hasn't had sex in forever. [note: text messages and people whose first language isn't english makes things unclear at time but NOT when the question "what do you want to do" is answered with "sex"]

Surprisingly nothing was weird after that and in fact its been nice seeing him when I go to my friends Mayaans place to play Call of Duty or hang out. [you should have seen the look on my face when all of sudden I realized I was playing as an arab insurgent. i guess i pictured nameless sides, not something so real and....it made me feel weird] Anyways i went to Mayaans on Friday night after work and we hung out for a while. TJ was obviously there and he was pretty fun and agreeable to talk to. When he went to this bedroom for a few minutes Mayaan told me that apparently TJ likes me and I'm like whatever and he's like no he does and I'm like I dont care if hes horny and Mayaan says that no, he actually likes me and talking to me blah blah and I'm like we'll see, i don't know how i feel.

Next thing I know it's saturday night and I get a text asking if i want to go to a movie. (a) i don't know how to say not to people and (b) i like movies, so i agreed. we ended up going to see Angels & Demons (thanks Mandy for the suggestion!) and he paid which I am never that comfortable with. if someone buys me the ticket i like to buy the soda/popcorn but he didn't want any so yeah. I liked the movie alot [p.s. ewen mcgregor, i missed you!]

i don't like blood or certain violence/gross things in movies, hence why i've never seen any of the Saw movies or Hostel or whatever, and i kinda covered my eyes which proceeded in him covering mine for me which lead to his arm around me for most of the movie. it was actually really nice to lean my head of him and smell how delicious he smelled, which was very! and i don't know, i like affection. after the movie i dropped him off at his apt [he actually bought an audi on friday and picked it up today so he was carless for saturday and i drove.] so we kissed for a minute and then he told me i was invited up but not for sex just to literally sleep with him. it was actually pretty cute and so was his button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up some and the way i think he meant no sex. i went home though because i like sleeping in my own bed and i had to work in the morning. i guess we'll see what happens.

everything was nice and pleasant but i'm just not sure. on the other hand when i have sparks with a guy, it never ends well and they are usually assholes in disguise. so in this case i will take it slow and whatever happens happens. its kind of nice.

so in summary i worked friday 4-12, saturday 830-5 and 5-1130 and sunday 10-8. i went to a movie. i didn't twitter all weekend. i played call of duty. i had quality phone best friend time with bianca. i missed bella [the ex has her for a few days] and i apparently fell in love with using[].

i also found out i love my own mix cds. i found a few in my car and took a listen. they were named things like "morning madness" "cure for the winter blues" and "sunday with bella". my fav was my "h.m. + m.c." cd. yeah that's right, hannah montana and mariah carey mix.

i had my first "energy shot" drink thing today and woah it worked. i had a huge craving for salt and chocolate and we all know what that means. thanks iud for all the symptoms but no bleeding. sorry for the tmi.

tomorrow i need to buy some new jeans.



kristen stewart? looking good! taylor lautner? looking hot! robert pattinson? priceless :)